


Ghosts

by clockworkpunk



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: (kinda), Character Study, Dissociation, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 07:05:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18278252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clockworkpunk/pseuds/clockworkpunk
Summary: Vanya Hargreeves feels like a ghost. Even when she isn't.





	Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning for: suicide/suicidal thoughts

Sometimes, Vanya Hargreeves feels like a ghost.

 

It’s something in the way that she moves, drifting listlessly around the halls of her home - not that it has ever really felt like a home - while her siblings - not that they’ve ever really felt like siblings - are out, solid, popping into crime scenes and punching people’s lights out. She is the perfect foil, practically non-existent, desaturated monochrome to their vibrancy. She moves softly, aimlessly. While they have goals and training and structure, she has nothing. A violin that she learns to play piece by piece and a cold, metal mother who cares, she supposes, as much as programming will allow, and who, regardless, is made to prioritize her siblings.

 

Often, Vanya Hargreeves feels like a ghost.

 

It’s something in the way that she speaks, almost silent pleas for love, her voice barely a whisper because who would ever listen anyway? Her siblings are loud, loud enough to drown out her silence, seeping into everything she says, sweeping her words away with shouts. Her father - not that he’s ever really felt like a father - is deaf to her very existence, forgetting her and leaving her behind as he spies on her siblings, monitoring their progress, precious things that they are. She stays in silence, sitting, standing, seeing everything, but never allowed to join them. Her siblings, infinitely more valuable than she could ever be by virtue of their abilities. She cries in silence too, sobs shaking her to her core. She stops her heart with them, for a second. She feels the flutter.

 

Always, Vanya Hargreeves feels like a ghost.

 

It’s something in the way she stands, here on the roof of the academy, her feet bare but not feeling the cold slate. It’s something in the way her whole world is drowning, and she is caught, slow, silent, in the midst of a flurry of feeling that is trying to survive, trying to fight. It’s something in the numbness of her life, the way that even the despair at her existence is somehow muted, desaturated until all that remains is heavy exhaustion. It’s something in the way that she stares blankly at the city skyline, ignoring the sirens below and the shouting. It’s something in the way the ground looks, not so hard and unforgiving as it did a few moments ago.

 

Vanya Hargreeves feels like a ghost, but knows she is not. Because her brother Klaus doesn’t see her.

 

And ghosts don’t fall.

**Author's Note:**

> This came of a half-written song, a bad day, and a rewatch. It was cathartic, although originally entirely different in journey, and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.


End file.
